Sunday and things are gone

I don't mop all day. Yes, I cried. I wrote pretty emo stuff but which person writes happy stuff when they just walked outta a long,serious relationship? Teach me that.
But I still consider myself a pretty strong girl. I cried for a while but after I stop crying, I'm ok.

Though it feels kinda lonely and I wish someone else would really come and shield me, but I figure no one would wanna take up that dirty job. Lolx.

Before I left home last night, I told my dad that I would go market with him this morning. Honestly that wasn't exactly from the heart. I just wanna ease some guilt for being so horrible daughter who kept things to herself all the time.

I slept pretty late last night. Sleeping is a little difficult nowadays and I kept waking up in between feeling really restless, thinking why haven't the day comes.
Of cos' when it came, I felt a little sluggish.

I had my alarm set at 7.30am and fell back to sleep after it rang. My dad woke me up @ 8.10am and I had a good mind to continue sleeping, telling him I'm very tired.
"A promise is a promise." This thought came to mind and I woke up a minute after.

I heartx clear blue skies with just the right amount of clouds. It's sunny alright but the strong Spring wind is making everything just right.

I used to hate going to wet market. When I was young, I hated being dragged outta bed on Sunday mornings when the sun was blazing and I'm so sleepy.
I hated the crowd, the wet pavement, the fishy raw smell and the distance to and fro.
Of cos' I wasn't that grouchy everytime I went with mum but the last I can remember now is, I hated it.

Needless to say, I never went to wetmarket anymore eversince I'd grown.
Nowadays it is only my dad who went every Sunday morning. I'm used to my late waking on Sunday and the usual routine, and I hate to admit that I am really taking all these efforts for granted.

Welcome to Serangoon Market. It amazed me thinking how long it has been there actually.

Oddly I wasn't half as tired waking so early on a Sunday. (I attributed that to the Java Chip Frappucino I drank last night.)
It's good to step outta house without caring how I look. Of cos' I didn't think I look like a wreck altogether.

The wet market scence did not put me off. The smell wasn't half as bad as before. The crowd was ok. I went there feeling like stumbling something so new yet so old. Refreshing.

Away from the wetmarket, some CNY stuff outside Shop & Save.


Von & I shocked ourselves when we realised it is the CNY next week. It definitely feels weird. I didn't see, feel or even smell the approach of CNY and now it is here?!
Didn't even went to the Taka atrium like I used to...But well, there's no need for that anyhow...now.


After the usual housechores, I started to clear my room.
It dawned to me that the 4 bouquets have been there on my window panels for very long. All the flowers are gone now, nothing but dust collectors now.
Mum asked me to throw away before cos' she thinks it is not healthy leaving the bouquets there, trapping dust and flying around my room.
I didn't want to throw them away cos' it doesn't feel right.

But I did...Today.



I figured that next week in the CNY so I wanted to clear some stuff. I looked at those bouquets for a long time before taking them down.
Take it from me...Even those flowers were long gone and dead, they are nothing but a bunch of brown dried stuff now...It still takes some form of courage to throw them away.



This is the 1000th day anniversary bouquet. Although I think it is actually not very pretty (overall) but the 1000th day one touched me most.
I didn't think most guys would remember such trival details.
Well...It worked for some parts and some not.

This should be the 1500th day bouquet. I love the presentation of this one. Simple, pink and nice. My heart kinda aches when I have to throw this away. I can't be keeping one only. Somethings you have to clear it and keep the record clean. (Whatever I am talking about.)

I love this one. It's small and handy, and very beautiful. There used to be a small florist shop at the open space outside MPH, Raffles City Basement.
I was commenting that was a very nice bouquet and wanted Jason to buy for me. I know it was just a spur of the moment thing but I was hoping Jason would just buy it for me.
I went to the ladies and he presented me the bouquet when I came out.
I remembered him telling me do not expect this to happen everytime cos' that is not a magic toilet. That's a joke between us.
Well...It's gone too.

This last bouquet which I received from him was the heaviest, the most colourful and I think the most beautiful of all. It was for our 5th year anniversary.

I really like this one but it was too damn heavy. I still remembered Jason told me he had it customised to be 17 stalks of roses for a purpose and I still doubt that. Customise? T.T

I only kept one pine corn like stalk for the sake of rememberance.

It isn't easy trashing them away like that. It felt like pieces of me was being badly trashed too when I threw them in the rubbish chute.

But somethings...have to be done right?

My windows now look a lot brighter and empty.

I can't cry everyday. I still have to go work, eat and shite. I only have alot more time than the past now and I guess I have to figure a way to use them.

This is totally like exploring a new 'me' altogether. Part of this feels exciting in a good way.

But it isn't easy. I foresee there will still be days I cry, I feel stupid and silly, I am angry and unjustified etc.

I guess...this is part and parcel.